It’s a strange feeling that I’m feeling nowadays.  Perhaps I’m changing, I know my habits are.  One strange voice in my mind told me, “You’re not yourself anymore, you do know that, do you?” 

It begs the question of my identity,whether it’s made up by me,  or people who know me, or it’s just that everyone has an identity which is decided by bigger powers (State, country)? 

While I am sad, and happy at the same time I just don’t know if I really have a purpose of living. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not depressed, and no I’m mentally healthy, but still I find myself continuously thinking of the reason I want to do things that I do. 

Which brings a childhood memory of mine back to life, torturing ants. You know you have done it,  we all have. You know how good it felt. The thinking that you could disrupt, and end the life of the little creatures made you feel like God, didn’t it. But for me it was the scrambling, how those little creatures were suddenly caught unaware of the ‘gift of the unexpected’. 

So I thought why not to gift the ‘gift’ again. And thus all I needed was a gun, and a crowded place. You see as they say, “There always is somebody out there to get you.” And ass I said and add go the above quote, “ It’s not God, but it certainly is death.”

Writing for Sensei’s prompt,after a long time. And the above work is a work of fiction. 



Despondency, circumscribing amiability..
It’s punctual conclave with my emotions..
Frivolous,are my thoughts..
Reiterating disdain of life..

Ogling, my soul..
The Dark Angel hold on like grim death..
Spurning the Angel nudge..
I keep staring into the abyss..

A melancholy proliferate,
By leaps and bound..
Felicity it seems,
Is a flesh, for one’s pound…


What is the way to find happiness? This is the question that is occupying the attention of my already unwanted thoughts-cramped mind. For starter I think how can one define happiness, whether it is related to the peaceful bliss of being alone, or is it somehow related to other people reactions, and their actions. After all we all become sad when someone hurts us, so is the reverse also true?

To tell you the truth I’ve never been a kind of a person who could mingle easily. Some close friend of mine suggested that the fault lies in me, and I should open up. Now opening up is not easy, trust me or those who don’t want to be disturbed in their solitary heavens. But I did, and I think I made a mistake. The problem with opening up is that you are investing, investing a portion of your time, and your thoughts to people who may or may not understand you. It is an error that is now realized by me. I’m not saying that my way of thinking is correct, but I just can’t continue to be ignorant about the negative change that are appearing due to this sudden change of my social behavior.

Perhaps what is more confusing is the fact, that right now my concern is how to shut myself again out in my work environment. It is difficult to open up, but it is more difficult to get back to your heavenly solitary shell that you created. This is the reason that I love my online anonymity. It gives you a right to be invested with people you admire based on a common activity, in WordPress case, writing.

Maybe I’m not making a correct decision.  But right now what I want is to have a mental peace of some kind. So I wrote this post, starting tomorrow I’ll be trying to change myself in the place I work. Goddammit, I feel that it will have a mountain to climb tomorrow, but it will be worth it in the end.

Au revoir

It’s been a month since I posted last. This is annoying to me, since I used to post regularly on my (now defunct) last blog. Well also I think I’m starting to get more and more annoyed by little things.

So it seems that my friend Jim wants me to share a little about myself. Hmm.. I currently have no intentions of putting myself out on the web. I’m anonymous, and that’s the way I like it. Jim is not alone, Stoner my other pal, also wanted me to open up.

But that  poses a conundrum, a personal one at best. You see I’ve grown use to, and comparatively a few, dear pals at WordPress (and yes Sandi if you’re reading this, I still consider you as my friend). That means I sometimes ask persistently personal questions to them. Sensei can vouch for it.

But not everyone is comfortable. Lord knows who I could be in hiding, maybe a guy in Africa trying to scam other people. So it’s wrong to ask, when you yourself are not willing to share anything.

As told right now at this stage of my life my anonymous nature gives me a comfort. I’m not yet comfortable to shrug it off. But it’s my basic nature to ask questions in comment box, those who see me in their comments can vouch for that. Hence the conflict remains.

As I’m technically not blogging, and raiding the comment sections of my pals without sharing any personal details, I think it’s time to leave WordPress. I don’t know when I’ll return to blogging or commenting. I’m not going to shut down this site like the last one. I can’t vouch for the future, but it was a blast to blog, and make friends here at WordPress.

All the best. I hope Jim books get published, Sensei eats lentils and flat bread, and remains healthy, Stoner remains headstrong and Allison successful.

Signing out,


It wasn’t an oddly comfortable sight, but it still showed hope. No carcass, just bone. Bone and not bones. Where was the body, Why the head alone.Wasn’t that strange. But who cared? No one.

They rushed towards it. Both of them, a bone meant some living thing crawled on this land. That means this land bear life. I know it’s strange, but a death showed signs of life, which oddly enough gave them hope.

As they looked around the bone they realised that something was wrong, deeply wrong. But before they could react one of them stabbed the other one. You see hunger is a powerful tool with which if used wisely any species can be tamed or hunted. So we decided why not observe our own species, and in each and every scenerio we threw at these ‘subjects’ we found out, that in nine out of ten of these fictional hunger situations that we created one person ate the another. Pure cannibalism.

You must be wondering what happened in the tenth situation, well in the tenth situation the subjects killed each other simultaneously, more like a suicide pact. What’s it that made them react differently than the other 9 pairs? Strangely it was their genetic traits, you see they were what we would call related. Which means that unknown to us, they knew each other beforehand, as being members of some tight knit group.

So it seems that the individualism and the state family separation policy which we practice, is still has holes, as in Economically Deprived Units (EPUs), residing on the outskirts of our civilisation the ‘family’ concept still lingers.

So what’s the solution you ask?  Well if the food source is terminated, the EPUs will become lawless, and we would have a shorter problem to deal with. After all as you may have noticed from their clothes, these subjects were taken from the EPUs only. The name of the mission will of course be Donner. After all, you get no prizes for guessing why we chose that. 

Written for Sue Vincent’s Thursday Photo Prompt.


“Well I don’t understand philosophy”, said James letting out a puff of smoke from his mouth. “What’s the big idea that I have about humanity in general, you ask, I don’t know.How could a single being, a part of a billion similar, yet different beings be naive enough to give his thoughts, and brand it as truth on that topic?”

“Many if not all of us know for a fact that we are limited to this planet for survival, it’s not like that we can just ride a spaceship, and go to different planets. Yet this common knowledge is ignored. There seems to be a dichotomy, a rigid one I might add between truth and personal truth. However for many of us, if not all, the latter seems more genuine, than the former. Irony you say,more of a paradox for me.”

“So why the human race shouldn’t be destroyed?That’s a valid question, considering that you were created by humans like myself to control our destructive nature. Well,if there is one good reason that I can say against the ‘eradication of human notion’ is that you are a prime example of why we should exist. I mean if you’re not being able to control our destructive nature, than you’re doing a pretty shitty job if you ask me. And the way that you’re trying to cover it up, by eradicating us, is more human in nature than you think. I’ll simply say it out loud, you’re displaying similar signs of human behavior, that you want to destroy.”

“James knew at that moment the humans will survive as unlike the morality issue that was a personal choice for humans like him, the moral code written for the assailants in their program will deter us to carry out the final phase of the plan. It just gave humans enough time to plan a virus and destroy us one by one. Now the technology that we build alongside our high tech hardwares are looted. So I will say this to you, as you will be the ones to survive this extermination, to do keep embedded these words in your source code; and also to forward the same to any alien  species you encounter. Don’t trust humans.”  

Snapping, on a wrist 

A loop that holds,
Holds my sanity
And still some push
Push me to the limit
They think I can hold
Hold, whatever is thrown at me
But when I snap and hurt them back
Their wrist get sore
Their mind goes blank
Their thoughts, like myself breaks…
Their numbness, with my severed body
Is the only thing that, remains…. 

Linked to dVerse Poetics. Sarah is hosting. The theme relates to mindfully writing about something in one’s hand.