What is the way to find happiness? This is the question that is occupying the attention of my already unwanted thoughts-cramped mind. For starter I think how can one define happiness, whether it is related to the peaceful bliss of being alone, or is it somehow related to other people reactions, and their actions. After all we all become sad when someone hurts us, so is the reverse also true?
To tell you the truth I’ve never been a kind of a person who could mingle easily. Some close friend of mine suggested that the fault lies in me, and I should open up. Now opening up is not easy, trust me or those who don’t want to be disturbed in their solitary heavens. But I did, and I think I made a mistake. The problem with opening up is that you are investing, investing a portion of your time, and your thoughts to people who may or may not understand you. It is an error that is now realized by me. I’m not saying that my way of thinking is correct, but I just can’t continue to be ignorant about the negative change that are appearing due to this sudden change of my social behavior.
Perhaps what is more confusing is the fact, that right now my concern is how to shut myself again out in my work environment. It is difficult to open up, but it is more difficult to get back to your heavenly solitary shell that you created. This is the reason that I love my online anonymity. It gives you a right to be invested with people you admire based on a common activity, in WordPress case, writing.
Maybe I’m not making a correct decision. But right now what I want is to have a mental peace of some kind. So I wrote this post, starting tomorrow I’ll be trying to change myself in the place I work. Goddammit, I feel that it will have a mountain to climb tomorrow, but it will be worth it in the end.